A Mask
by EvilGeniusBookWorm13
Summary: James had been hiding behind a mask ever since moving to LA...will it all get to him? And, to top it off, he's fallen on love with Kendall.  Rated T for attempted suicide, swears, and SLASH! KAMES!


**A/N:**** Ok…watched Big Time Reality last night and Big Time Girl Group 5 minutes ago…OMG. I found so many Kames moments in Big Time Girl Group! :D But my favorite was when the three BTR guys (Kendall, Logan, and Carlos) stood up and Kendall was like "You too, James," and then James was like "Come on!" but stood up. And then when Kendall started talking, James glanced at Kendall with this 'Oh my God I'm totally in love you' look. I kept replaying it over and over and I think I died of happiness there! XD I even took a picture of that! I'm gonna be swooning over that for, like, ever! So…here's a one-shot about that. IDK if it will be more… But oh well! Here it is!**

James watched as the Kat Crew left the studio, off to find another record producer. He was glad they were leaving…it meant that the studio was theirs, there would be no more fighting…other than their own harmless wrestling, and they could be Gustavo's main focus. James couldn't help being selfish, though; it was a part of his being. He was narcissistic, selfish, conceded, but no matter what he would do anything for his friends, especially Kendall.

You see, Kendall had been his best friend since Kindergarten, when the two had gotten into a huge fight, throwing insults and slaps to one another. And while the two were sitting quietly in the office, they found common ground and became best friends. But somewhere along the way, James started to have feelings for the blonde boy. He hated it, though. He knew Kendall was straight, knew Kendall would never love someone like _him_.

Now you're probably wondering why James would ever say such a thing. Well, he's got a lot of faults, and he's not that perfect, conceded, amazingly gorgeous guy that he comes across as. No, he's just a kid whose mother had died when he was twelve, had an abusive dad since his mother had died, who cut himself whenever it became too much. He spat insults at himself whenever he saw himself in the mirror and no one was around. He was addicted to pain, so yeah; Kendall would never love back a mess like him. But James couldn't help but fall in love with Kendall. He was strong, sweet, protective, and would do anything to help his friends out. He was just a caring, lovable person and who wouldn't fall in love with him? Throughout the day, though, he found himself glancing at Kendall with longing, hut, pain, and love. Every emotion, good or bad, showed in his eyes towards Kendall.

He was angry that Kendall was Gustavo's favorite. That Kendall had stolen his heart. He was sad that he couldn't stop his heart from breaking whenever he saw Kendall with Jo. He was happy that he could at least be friends with such an amazing person. And he was hoping that Kendall would be able to look past James' mask and save the real James from himself. But it wasn't happening anytime soon.

The pretty boy felt a tug on his wrist, looking down and seeing an equally tan hand softly pulling his own. It was Carlos, his Latino friend. James smiled at his roommate and followed him into the studio, watching the scene unfold before him.

"Ok, dogs. I'm giving you the week off because I'm stressed and I need my time." Gustavo waved his hands in front of his face. All four boys nodded and left the studio silently. Carlos and Logan were arguing about whether to go to the pool or the park, Kendall texting Jo, and James just silently walking. He should probably clarify with you that he was indeed not gay, but was bi. He had come out to his closest friends last year, and they were all ok with it. They all laughed though when James said that he couldn't keep the amazingly gorgeous James only to one gender. But it was no wonder James was that gorgeous and that muscular all at the same time. He cared about image and talent, and that's what everyone thought. What they didn't know was that inside, James treasured friendship, treasured every compliment he would get, and treasured the fact that he was lucky enough to be in Hollywood. Something else people didn't know was that James was a bit insecure, was emotional, and was bad at showing his emotions. That's why he had built his mask, had put up his mental walls blocking everyone from coming inside. Not even Kendall knew James all that well. Kendall only really knew the outside James.

And so here was James, watching Kendall be happy as can be with the blonde girl gripping his arm. He looked away as he felt tears sting his eyes, walking swiftly back to 2J and slamming the bathroom door. Inside, he frantically searched the drawers until he found what he was looking for; the blade.

He ripped his shirt off over his head and threw it at the wall before ripping his bandages off his wrists. He then dug the blade in his skin and slid it across, watching in satisfaction as blood flowed into the sink. He felt sobs wracking his body as he looked at the monster in the mirror. There it was, tan and beautiful and broken. A gorgeous boy stared back at him, tears pouring down his cheeks and scars marring his wrists. No one cared for this boy, absolutely no one. For Carlos and Logan, they only tolerated him. His dad hated him, his mom abandoned him. Ms. Knight didn't care for him and neither did Katie. And Kendall, the most important person of all, only pitied him. That's what Kendall did, though, pitied the weaker, the smaller, the uncourageous. And he helped them, but this time, Kendall could not help.

James dug the blade deeper, crying out as he felt the stab of pain. He continued his assault, except this time on both arms. He collapsed to the ground, feeling weaker than ever before. The pretty boy then looked at his wrists, finding the many deep, flowing cuts streaming blood down onto the floor. He fell back again so he was now lying against the cold time, and this time he cut a deep K over his heart. He felt the blood leave him, felt the numbing pain that he was so addicted to, and felt the beating of his heart grow weaker. Now he was free, free from all the pain of life. Free from everything. And as he started to black out, he whispered a small prayer. He hoped God would forgive him for all his sins, but he knew that God might not.

And as he blacked out, as he heard the bathroom door break down, he whispered to the world, "I love you, Kendall Knight."

* * *

><p>Logan had been hearing suspicious noises coming from the bathroom ever since James had gone in, but had brushed it off at James' odd ways. But when Carlos walked in the apartment and cocked his head, asking Logan who was crying, Logan had dashed to the bathroom, frantically trying to pick the lock. But Carlos had already shoved him out of the way and kicked down the door, the two now watching the scene in front of them. Blood covered the sink and floor, where James' limp body was. James' wrists were deeply cut and were flowing profusely. He was covered in blood and his chest was barely rising and falling. And Carlos watched as Logan frantically fell forward and took their friend in his arms, screaming at Carlos to call 911, to get help, to do something other than stand there and watch their friend die. And that's when Carlos ran into the kitchen frantically yelling and sobbing at the same time into the phone about their dying friend. About five minutes later, he heard the paramedics break open the apartment door and rush into the bedroom, picking up James and putting him on the stretcher. Unfortunately, they didn't let the two small boys come with them in the ambulance. And as the two watched the ambulance go, sobbing their little hearts out and clutching one another, Camille and Stephanie came up to them, followed by other Palm Woods members. The two felt the hands patting their backs, comforting them, asking what was wrong, when Logan finally blew up.<p>

"Everything is so fucked up! James has been cutting himself and none of us noticed it! He practically tried to commit suicide today! So no! Everything's not going to be fine and dandy! James is fucking dying and we can do nothing to help him! I hate this!" he screamed as he sobbed harder, running away from everyone while Carlos followed. The Latino and the brunette soon found themselves sobbing on the couch, holding onto each other. These things weren't supposed to happen to good people. James wasn't supposed to try to commit suicide; Logan and Carlos weren't supposed to be crying their hearts out for their friend while he was wheeled to the hospital. Kendall wasn't supposed to be oblivious to it all. Ms. Knight wasn't supposed to have to fly back from Minnesota with Katie at last minute. None of it was supposed to happen to such happy people. And yet it did.

No matter how many times the two boys tried to reach Kendall, the blonde would not pick up. But that only angered Logan further. "He should be here! Knowing what happened to his best friend and not out and about prancing around when everything's falling right between our fingers! Gah! I can't take it! We're going to the hospital, Carlos! Write a note while I get some stuff ready!"

Carlos did as was told, writing a quick note explaining where the two where and the life or death situation. And as the two drove quickly to the hospital, Carlos scowled at the weather. Why did it have to be sunny and warm when someone important was _dying _or quite possibly already _dead_? Carlos choked up at the thought of their life-long friend being dead. He didn't like that fact one bit. James didn't deserve all this crap, he deserved so much more. But what pushed him to do this? What had caused his to cut? What thing in this world could possibly drive the supposedly unbreakable James Diamond to try to commit _suicide_? Carlos didn't know, but he had a feeling that it had something to do with Kendall.

The two arrived at the hospital, jumping out of their car and running as fast as they could to the door. They frantically asked where James Diamond was and the lady replied with, "Room 203 but he's not allowed to have visitors!" She yelled the last part when Logan and Carlos dashed off to room 203, running in and seeing their friend so…dead. It was the only word that could describe him. His skin was a sickly tan/grey color, his eyes closed and mouth slightly ajar, his chest barely rising and falling, a blood pump pumping more blood into his system, his wrists stitched and bandaged up, and worst of all, his unmoving body and his hair, still shiny and full, as if to mock James' lifeless beauty.

The two collapsed into the chairs beside his bed, Logan caressing James' hair and Carlos holding the pretty boy's hand, hoping that he would wake up soon. But soon the beeping of the heart monitor became too much and they fell asleep; Logan leaning on the bed while Carlos leaned on him. The best they could do was only hope that the extra blood was enough.

* * *

><p>When Logan awoke, he noticed three things. One, the blood pump was gone. Good, that meant James had a healthy amount of blood inside him. Two, the heart monitor was gone, and James' chest was rising and falling evenly. Good, that meant James was alive. And three, the dull hazel eyes looking at him, flashing bright green on the outside while exploding a sweet caramel around the small pupil.<p>

"James." Logan whispered, bringing his hand up to touch James' face, making sure it wasn't an illusion.

"Logan." James whispered back, smiling softly.

"Oh, James!" And with that outburst, Logan threw his arms around his best friend, effectively waking Carlos up.

"What…James?" Carlos groggily sat up, seeing his best friend and boyfriend hugging. It was only then that the fact registered in Carlos' mind; James was alive! And then he threw his arms around the other two, rejoicing in the fact that life was more than likely to get back on track again after James' recovery.

"James…what happened?" Logan asked, letting go of James.

James swallowed thickly before answering with, "A lot."

Logan rolled his eyes at James and then asked, "Care to elaborate?"

James nodded and looked down, beginning his long story that all started with his mother dying, his father being abusive, his falling in love with Kendall. He explained the fact that the James they knew better was only a mask of the true James. Just like everything here in Hollywood was a mask. No one was truly true to themselves; not Logan, not Carlos, not even Kendall. He continued with how he hid himself from the world, watching it go by, getting himself addicted to pain, becoming hard and silent, not showing emotions. And they listened intently as James finished his story, an hour later.

"Oh, James…" Carlos said, as he gripped James' hand. Logan nodded as he patted James's muscular and scared arm, agreeing silently with Carlos.

And that was when Kendall ran in, breathing heavily and worry clouding his face. "What the hell happened?"

* * *

><p>And so Kendall was explained everything and anything except James' love for Kendall. The three boys watched the guilt and love cloud Kendall's face when he explained that his phone was waterlogged from being thrown in the pool and that he was out all day and wasn't anywhere near the Palm Woods and only heard of the ambulance when he got back at 10 pm. He said that he made a mad dash towards here right after he heard the news and had apologized over and over again profusely to James for his own idiocy. James had just nodded and said it was all fine even though it really wasn't. So Logan and Carlos did the right thing and left the room, leaving the other two boys alone.<p>

"James…I'm so sorry for not being here sooner and for not helping you sooner and-"

"Shut up, Kendall!" James yelled. By the look of hurt he saw flash in Kendall's eyes he backed up his statement. "Stop saying you're sorry when you don't need to be! If anyone should be sorry it's me! I'm sorry for being a burden to everyone! I'm sorry that I tried to kill myself! I'm sorry that I cut myself! I'm sorry that my mom died and I couldn't do anything about it! I'm sorry I love you!" James immediately shut up after he said that, covering his mouth with his hand and his eyes were wide with fear.

"You…you what?" Kendall asked.

"I…I l-love you." James whispered, his confidence finding its way back to him. "Actually, no. I'm not sorry I love you. You're perfect, Kendall, in so many ways I could never be. I don't see how anyone could not love you."

"Oh, James…"

"You know, I've been getting that a lot…you're rejecting me…aren't you?" James spoke, tears clouding his vision.

"No, James! I…I l-love y-you, too." Kendall whispered. "It's just…I'm not good with words…"

But James only smiled and kissed Kendall, moving his lips against the blonde's. His tongue soon came out, being granted entrance to Kendall's warm mouth. And as the two kissed, Logan and Carlos snuck back in and took a picture. James' hands around Kendall's waist, the bandages showing brightly against Kendall's dark blue t-shirt. Kendall's own hands buried deep inside James' hair and his legs straddling James' hips as the two continued to make out. Logan cleared his throat, though, effectively ruining the moment between the two.

"Now, James…" Logan spoke.

"Oh God, what now?" James answered.

Logan laughed and said, "We're going to be checking your wrists everyday now and Kendall, sleep with James so you can tell when he gets out of bed at night."

Kendall just smirked at James, who smiled deviously back while Carlos laughed and Logan blushed, realizing then what he had said.

"I mean…not like that! I don't want to be hearing you two's acts in the middle of the night!" Logan said.

"Well it's not like we don't hear yours!" James said back to them.

Logan blushed even deeper as Carlos smiled a toothy grin. James was dispatched from the hospital a week later, being put under strict protocols from his friends about how instead of cutting come talk to them or whatever. He knew, that with Kendall as his boyfriend, he wouldn't be cutting anytime soon.

**A/N:**** Wow…Longest one-shot I've ever written! IDK where this took me…I just kinda wrote stuff. I hope it was ok! I like it and it's melodramaticness! Hahahaha. REVIEW and tell me how it was!**


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